Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Grimm Business

Brother's Grimm is not merely bad, or painfully bad.

It is possibly the most horribly atrocious waste of film in the history of motion pictures.

Jesus, it is woeful.

The plot centres (occassionally) around the adventures of the Grimm brothers, whose names I didn't bother to remember. They criss-cross early 19th century Germany saving towns and villages from local supernatural beasties.
But are actually con men, cashing in on local ignorance, fears and suspicions.

They run into trouble when the local French occupation force catch them. Lead by General Someone-or-other (played by the Keira Knightley's dad from "Pirates of the Carribean" who was the bad guy in "The Day after Tomorrow"). Incidentally he has the hammiest French accent that I have ever heard. Under the supervision of some Italian mercenary, they are dispatched to Margarden, or Margaret or some similarily sounding hovel in the Black Forest to put an end to the mysterious dissapearance of the local children.

I'm going to digress here. The bastard who plays the Italian should be killed. I am issuing a blog fatwa against him. The accent is....terrible, the acting is...eye goughingly bad.... He is, in short, the worst character and actor that I have ever seen in my entire life.

So along with the Italian, who I will call "Atrochio" because I can't remember the actual name, they go to...Margate...and try and stop the kids being kidnapped by the mysterious person in the wood.

To cut a long (too long) story short, it turns out that there really are magical creatures etc in the world. And they have to battle them.

Fucking awful.

Brothers Grimm sucks like a vacuum cleaner sucking Coke out of a 2 litre bottle with a tiny straw.
Yeah, that bad.

The acting is abysmal, the plot is fucked up, the characters aren't even one-dimensional.
The ending makes no sense, it's needlessly graphic (if you don't like murderous horses and exploding kittens, I recommend against seeing it), and you leave the cinema with the feeling that you will never get that 2hrs back.

In short, Brothers Grimm is a crime against humanity. Avoid like the plague


Blogger JL Pagano said...

So what EXACTLY are you trying to say about this movie, Fweegal? Just get to the point will ya.

1:44 AM  
Blogger FJR said...

Lol, I did not like it. I think that sentiment gets across.

4:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, it really sucked.

4:33 AM  

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