Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Alcohol A-Z:C

C: Cost

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but drinking costs and arm and a leg. Vintners are agents of the devil and their aim is to bankrupt poor students everywhere with the outrageous price of a pint.

So you’ll want to beg, borrow or steal from your parents, become a rent-boy or get some sort of job in order to finance your drinking pleasure. Now becoming a rent-boy is a good job and pays well. But it’s mostly night work and is a real pain in the ass.
I recommend options A or C. Working is generally more rewarding than begging off parents, and you get more cash too. Unless your parents are loaded. In which case you are a lucky bastard and I want some money, please.

Now a handy way to circumvent the high price of drinking is to do it at home. Off Licenses sell drink at prices much cheaper than the pub, and they sell some really awful beer at rock bottom prices. And then you can go home and have a fun night drinking for less than a tenner. What could be better?

Now, unfortunately most of us have families that get in the way and, while killing them off would be the quick option, you may need to consider alternative methods of having your alcoholic cake and eating it too.

A good way to do that is to expand the notion of being “at home”. By extending “home” to a field or the west pier, you can still have a good cheap night drinking in the comfort of your own house.
Only you’ll be outside.

So that’s cost. Remember, the Irish Vintner’s Association is “The Man”. And you don’t want to get fucked by “The Man” do you?I hope not. For a whole range of reasons.


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