Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Alcohol A-Z: D+E

D: Dancing

You’d be surprised by how amenable you’ll get to dancing when you get really locked. Drunken Dancing is a sight to behold, and even more fun to partake in.

Now, I know you’re not the most willing to dance, at least in places other than concerts and the summit of Mt. Brandon, but your inhibitions will just fall away when your bleary, drink filled eyes spot the dance floor and you haul yourself towards it, spinning and twirling like a helicopter in trouble.

Drink Dancing is both fun and harmless, unless you hit someone or stand on their toes while doing a rendition of Riverdance with Stephen Weldon at a Santa Sabina debs in Meath. Okay, that was just me, but it’s advice to live by really.


E: Emergency Room/Excess Drinking

Hopefully you’ll never see the inside of this place, and I mean that in a general sense, not just drink related. But if you get dangerously drunk one night (tonight), you might be there quicker than you think.

E.Rs have a whole range of nifty machines to try and stop you…dying from alcohol poisoning. Machines like “stomach pumps” and “nurses”. Stomach pumps are like big vacuum cleaners that get inserted into your stomach. Sort of like a futuristic weight loss programme. Nurses are like doctors, only without the money and respect. Some of them come from the Philippines. Some of them do not. Certain hospitals will reward you if you can spot which are which. Sort of like that “one of these things is not like the other” bit on Sesame Street.

Anyway, try not to drink in excess. Or else you’ll end up like our Belgian navy pal Wouter, who drank too much Pernot one night and had to be hospitalised. And he died, Eoin.
Or maybe he didn’t. I lost interest, to be honest.

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