Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Alcohol A-Z: B

B: “Blacks in the jacks” (note: this may just be an Irish thing)

Now, as you begin your drinking in pubs, you’ll notice a strange presence in the toilets.
Known informally as “blacks in the jacks”, these friendly people are employed to try and put as much cologne on you as possible while you wash your hands.
Even if you don’t want any.

You’re then expected to pay.

It’s not fully known why all these poor bastards are black; it could be because they are some sort of urinal worshipping tribe from darkest Africa, who think they’re in Church. Or it could be because no-one else is desperate enough for a job that they would willingly stand in other people’s piss for several hours. Like I said, poor bastards.

Now, they used to be a friendly bunch, always ready to shake your hand (before you went to the toilet-can’t stress that enough) and make some small talk. But recently they’ve become very surly and sarcastic. Because what you want in the toilet is a comedian…

The Bloody Stream (pub in Howth, Co. Dublin) goes through them at some fierce rate, so don’t bother trying to befriend one. I did, and then he moved away forever. It drove a hole right through me and I still haven’t recovered.
The reason they have such a high turnover of Jacks Blacks is that the place floods periodically, drowning the poor guy in a pool of his own toiletries.

Anyway, in summation they used to be cheerful and now they’re not. Probably like 18th century slaves in America.
Ungrateful bastards.


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