Friday, November 18, 2005

Alcohol A+Z: T,U+V

T: Three-in-One

Manna from heaven.

Joy is the absolute king of the three-in-one. If you go drinking with us with any regularity (esp. with Niall), you will find yourself in a Chinese, getting one of these babies (not real babies. The Chinese aren’t that bad. Allegedly.)

Rice, chips and curry sauce. Basically all the soakage you need to absorb several pints.

So good. So very good. Oh man, I’d kill for one right now.

U: Underage Drinking

Not really a problem for you now, or ever really. But I couldn’t think of a single thing beginning with “U” other than that…
So there you go! That’s “U”, I guess.
Moving on…

V: Venereal Diseases

Pub toilets are officially the dirtiest places on Earth. Whether they’re in the Cock Tavern, where people do lines of coke off the cisterns, or in the Waterside, where the air conditioning blows the smell of the toilets across the whole bar, they’re nasty places to be.

I’m not recommending you wear a huge nappy, but it’d be better to put Pampers to the ultimate test than to catch Syphilis or something off a toilet seat.

That or use the disabled toilets. You beat the queues and the chances of contracting gonorreah.
Win, win. Except for the cripples. But they can fuck off and die anyway. Sorry if that seems a little harsh, but they always get the cushy ones. And they never have to stand on the DART…


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