Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Alcohol A-Z: A

Em...I did this up for a friend's 18th and I thought that I might put it up here too.
Just to spread my extensively researched knowledge about the traps, perils and insanely wonderful bonuses of alcohol.

So, starting today and running...until whenever I get to Z, here is my re-edited Alcohol A-Z

A: Alcohol

Ah sweet Mother Alcohol. “The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems”.

You’ll discover quite rapidly the manifold wonders of alcohol; how it makes you friendlier, a better dancer, more poetic and generally more fun to be around. There’s always that slight incontinence risk but you’ll sail through that, I’m sure. But if you wake up in a puddle of your own urine, I did warn you.
Apparently the ancient Egyptians invented beer, and they built big pyramids and had mummies and stuff. So it’s got to be cool, right? And monks invented whiskey, so it has divine approval. So you could argue that it’s almost blasphemous not to drink. Jesus! Better drink up fast, you’ve 18 years of catching up to do!!
Well that’s my philosophy. A nice healthy one (not physically), which will have you sucking on bar taps for the last dregs of the keg in no time.

Worth warning you that abusing alcohol can lead to trouble, sort of like abusing children. But in this case the problem is called “alcoholism”. And it’s only a problem if you look at it that way. Alcoholism, I mean. Child abuse is always wrong…..

It’s hard to know whether or not you’re an alcoholic. It can vary from person to person. If, like myself, you get an urge for a drink (or 5) on a Friday after a long week of work-that’s probably normal. Or at least, hopefully normal. But, if like certain people, you drink your way through 3 pints and two shots in the space of an hour and in later life go on to leave various European cities “in ruins” on an inter-railing binge (known colloqially as "students"), you might consider getting that looked into.

Either way, drink up and to hell with the consequences. You’re only young and the chances of developing an addiction are only, what? One in Four? Sure that’s a risk worth taking!

1 Comments:

Blogger QED said...

oh no, now i'm going to have to read your blog until you get to Z!

11:28 AM  

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