Monday, September 19, 2005

Doppelganger!! Sorry...Trippelganger!!

So it seems that the Germans are in a bit of a bind about who to actually have as their Government.

The Social Democrats (SPD)- led by Gerhard Schroder, Chancellor since 1998, leader of Europe's most populous and wealthy nation, all round kegmeister and Chirac's bum-fun "boy next door"-received a middling 34% of the vote.

The Christian Democrats (CDU)- captained by Angela Merkel, East German doctor of physics, all round brain and Tony Blair's ideological best buddy are currently stuck on 35%, a mighty 3 seats more than the SPD.

And neither side want to budge.

We all now how intransigent the Germans can be once they dig in, don't we??

Both sides claim to be the victors, which is interesting when you consider that neither side were chosen by a majority of the populace. But perception of the finer points of democracy aren't exactly a Germanic trait...

I think, though, that I may have stumbled across something rather important. Sort of like Sandra Bullock's character in "Hackers" or whatever that internet conspiracy film was called.
"Speed" maybe.
I forget.

After careful examination of the evidence, I would like to present my findings to you.


Angela Merkel and Gerhard Schroder are the same person!!!

Not convinced? Not interested (heaven forbid)?


Exhibits B and C, ladies and gentlemen.

Absolute irrefutable proof that the leaders of both parties are actually one individual.

And who is this mastermind, this political genius who has hoodwinked the German People, the international press...basically everyone but me?!

You won't believe this.

Yep. It's Jacques Chirac!

Obviously the French President has secretly been governing both countries for the past 7 years, giddily controlling two of the most powerful nations in the world.

So it doesn't really matter who the Germans voted for over the weekend.

Chirac is the real winner.

I have to go now. UCD is a pretty international place and I don't want to get bumped off by a French secret agent.

I think I just heard a French accent...

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