Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Back to the Future with Stupid Air

I had fun with this post.

Has anyone seen NASA's brave new plan for the future of space travel?

It involves heavy lift rockets blasting off from Earth carrying a lunar lander.

These departure stages are jettisioned in space and a Crew Exploration Vehicle (CEV) and lunar lander, linked together, head for the Moon.

Once there, they enter the lander and explore the surface of the satellite. Once their stay is up they leave the surface and rejoin the CEV, which eventually makes it back to Earth and parachutes down somewhere on the globe.

Just to add to any sense of deja vu that you might be having, here's a pic of the CEV, courtesy of the BBC.

Em......hang on.....

Is it just me or have NASA sort of copied a design from 40 years ago?

Congratulations to the brains in Heuston! Your replacement for the shuttle is the Apollo spacecraft!!!

Why re-invent the wheel when you can go back to using log rollers?

For $168 billion (more than twice our annual budget) I would have liked to have thought that they would have come up with something....new. That, rather than rifle through some old blueprints, they might have actually designed a modern one.

Dr. Mike Griffin, NASA administrator, has called it, "very Apollo-like, with updated technology. Think of it as Apollo on steroids."

Oh, well that's just revolutionary!

First of all they basically vacuum packed a 747 and called it a space shuttle and now they're actually boasting that their "new" craft is essentially an updated version of a giant 40 year old traffic cone.

It's also going to use shuttle technology, to save on costs.
So expect an explosion in the near future.

In keeping with the bold new world espoused by NASA, let me share with you some of my own revolutionary design plans (patent pending).

Super Technical Ultra Progessive Intelligent Design Aircraft (STUPID Air)

In order to cut costs I've harked back to the early days of air travel, when engines were more sort of wishful thinking than an actual part of the design.

Stupid Air operates by using a large latex "Helium Activated Height Accelerator" or HAHA. This works by filling the Haha with helium, which rises, pulling the rest of the craft with it.

Beneath the Haha is the Crew Residence and Payload (CRAP) which is constructed out of a basket made of state of the art Wickertec-both affordable and re-usable. This holds the crew and whatever they bring with them. Also in the Crap are the Ballast Ordering Logisitical Leaving Originator and Critical Kinetic Systems (BOLLOCKS). The Bollocks are crucial to the taking off of Stupid Air and works by arranging several weights around the sides of the Crap. When the Haha is filled with Helium, the Bollocks are dropped and it takes to the air.

Of course I have included a safety feature to prevent premature escalation ;-)

It's called the Rapid Offshooting Prevention Ensurer (ROPE). Comprised of a stong length of thin material, it tethers the entire craft to the ground until such time as the Haha is full and the Bollocks ready to be dropped.

And, if you keep it to yourselves I'll show you a sneak peak of my prototypes.

NASA, if I can do that relatively quickly (the acronyms took a while), surely you can do better too.

So I say HAHA to your plans, which in fairness are CRAP and BOLLOCKS.


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