Thursday, August 11, 2005

Walk like an E-Japtian


This beggars belief.


The Japanese post office, Japan Post, is two years old in its current guise.
An Post is 21 years old, as currently structured. Formed in 1984 apparently.

So you would think (I did) that our more venerable postal service has the advantage over our Oriental cousins. If it was Ireland, and An Post was only 2 years old, they'd still be working out which corner of the envelope to put the stamp on.

Plus we have green letterboxes. Beat that.

Well it seems that the Japanese have....

In 2003, An Post had losses of EUR30million.
In 2004, An Post made a profit of EUR7 million.
An Post has assets of EUR 37.8 million, according to the most recent stats I could find (and interpret)

Japan Post, and those of you reading the Irish Times on Monday or Tuesday may have noticed this, has assets of

EUR2.4 trillion!!!!

That's EUR 2,400,000,000,000

In a two year old company!
Remind me which side won the war?

We must copy the Japanese in everything they do!

Everything, I say!

So in Japan they have these entertainers called "Geisha"...also known as classy hookers.

Any objections to legalising prostitution?
Tough.

That's one.

Next...they're big on their public baths. Grand. Take off your clothes. I don't care if you're at work, at home or floating in a public bath risking life and limb reading this on a laptop, take it all off!
If we all pour water over ourselves simultaneously, then it sort of counts!

Third, sell An Post to Japan Post. Like now.

Fourthly.....get our asses handed to us in a major conflict.
Well that neutrality thing was never going to work in the long run was it. Let's invade the north and be done with it. We'll go down fighting. And, if history serves, all we need is a nuke or two (preferably two) dropped on us and then a few years later our technology sector will explode.
Maybe it was the radiation...like in Spiderman, sort of...

Fifth, be as incomprehensible as possible to foreigners.
Done. Ask any tourist who's looked for directions for someone down the country.

Sixth, live in a country with a long bitter history of internal struggle.
Done.

Seventh, live on an island with no natural resources.
Done.

I now proclaim Ireland to be the new Japan!

If anyone wants me, I'll be off invading Manchuria.

2 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

Classic!

Now you just need about 150 million more people :)

6:15 AM  
Blogger FJR said...

Hey, over 90% of the population are Catholic. We breed like rabbits!

6:59 AM  

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