Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Odd Names for Everyday Things


Well, another week of waffle beckons and here I am, back again to tempt you to my site with another slightly off the wall post.

Consider this post my "Jesus Juice" and my blog as the "Neverland ranch"

Actually...don't.

My first topic of the day, ladies and gentlemen, is odd names for everyday items. The perceptive among you will already have picked up on that.

The idea for this came to me when I was watching telly last night and the ads came on.
One of the ads was for Mach 3 Turbo razor blades.

Now....I have a Mach 3 razor and, contrary to what the ads might insinuate, it does not move at three times the speed of sound.
If indeed it did travel at 340 metres per second, I would have a bit of a bloody mess for a face!
And would it not also produce a sonic boom too?

I can tell you that the only sonic booms that come from the bathroom are when I've had too much fruit to eat the night before...

I am so sorry for telling you that. No one needed to know.
Try and forget.

And as for Mach 3 Turbo...is it not the most stupid idea in the history of toiletries to have a battery in an object that regularily gets dipped into water????

And by the way, there's nothing special about the Mach 3. Apart from the bloody price of new razor heads.

Anyway, that's the first odd name I came across.

Keeping this post firmly in the gutter, the next one to cross my mind were "sanitary towels".
Is that not the most paradoxical name for something ever?

I mean, it's not a particularily sanitary piece of material.
In fact it's probably one of the least sanitary objects in the world.
If you were going to have your prostate examined, you'd hardly call the doctor's glove a "sanitary glove". Or re-name toilet roll as "sanitary paper".

Next up, and in marked contrast to what I was just talking about, is "health food".
Yeah...wash your hands!

Is there such a thing as "health" food. Surely all food, by providing calories, is good for you, and that it's merely the amounts of the different food stuffs that you eat that makes the difference?

In fairness, have you ever gone into health store? Ever bought and eaten some of the stuff they prescribe?

Oh it's just awful.

If I want to subsist on a diet of sesame seeds and raisins, I will become a parrot.
And sure if you eat too much fruit you'll get gassy, too many oranges will erode your teeth. You can also get abdominal pains.

And this is the best bit, apple seeds contain....

cyanide!!!

Hahaha! Real bloody healthy there!

Next up on the block are countries that put "Democratic" in their name.

Yeah, bastions of liberty like the Democratic Republic of Congo and the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea.

It seems to me that if you need to put the word in the actual nation's title to remind people how free they are, then you might want to think about actually being democratic or be honest about it. I think the titles Authoritarian Republic of Congo and Communist People's Republic ring true a little more.

And isn't it funny that the more dictatorial the government, the greater the propensity for inserting "democratic" into the letter head?

Another is the DART.

Dublin Area Rapid Transit, my arse.

The bloody thing now stops at random places on the line more than it does at actual stations!
And for the last year and a half has not actually run the whole length of track, sue to rail works. It won't be long till the "D" comes to mean "democratic" instead!!

If anyone has any more funny names that contrast a bit with the actual objects they describe lease post them in the comments section.

5 Comments:

Blogger Robin said...

that was low.... low I tell you. I have no need to hear about your personal Sonic Booms.

On a simlarly low note, did you see Eoin's Brain Foot? http://www.flickr.com/photos/r1g2b3/35971421/in/set-784444/

6:02 AM  
Blogger FJR said...

yes....you can imagine how much I appreciated it!

7:29 AM  
Blogger Cathal Breathnach said...

Fantastic!

12:21 PM  
Blogger ALX said...

lol this is hilarious kettle polly

3:29 AM  
Blogger Skymaker6 said...

I think you have a very good Blog here, I will have to book mark this one, you do a very good job on covering health on prostate cancer. I also have a Blog call the 'The Men's Guide to Prostate Health', If you have time maybe some day you can take a look at let me know what you think, it at health on prostate cancer

5:40 PM  

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