Monday, August 08, 2005

Dublin, slightly less of a rip-off!!!

We're not as pricey any more!!!

Now pints will be affordable, taxis won't bankrupt you, and the sun will always be shining.

Or not.

You see, we've gone down a notch in the list of the most expensive cities in the world. From 22 to 23.

Has anyone actually noticed a change?

I barely notice any change, mostly because I have no change because of the sterling (should that be "euro"?) efforts of the city's rip-off merchants to fleece every one of us.

We are now cheaper than Hong Kong or Sydney, and still below London, Tokyo, the whole of Scandinavia, Paris (which I found cheaper than us) and a few other cold European locations. Zurich, that's another.

But more expensive than Rome or New York. And all but 22 other cities.

Tehran is apparently the cheapest city in the world to live in. And I'd say property prices will crash there as soon as the Yanks begin bombing runs. Manila in the Phillipines is also down there somewhere (on the list and geographically. "Down there somewhere" is the limit of my knowledge of where Manila actually is on a map).

The cheapest Eurozone city is Lisbon, which I think is have burnt down at the moment. Kathmandu is near the bottom of the list at 122nd most expensive. But then again you have all the Maoist rebels to bribe, so that's a hidden cost right there.

Moscow is the second most expensive city in Europe, apparently. For what? Heavy coats? Firewood? Snow Plows? Bodyguards?
Budapest is 24th, right below us, which is bloody pricey for a new EU state. But only next door in Romania, Bucharest is one of the cheapest. I know which one I'm going to when inter-railing!

I checked out Baghdad too, just out of interest. It's the 215th most expensive city in the world, which is pretty much the bottom. Well done America!!!! You have drastically reduced the cost of living in Iraq! I'm sure the Iraqis are over the moon that things are less expensive now than they were under Saddam.

We'll just keep the Quality of Life bit to ourselves, shall we?

Actually, I propose that we copy the citizens of Baghdad and do what they do, in order to drag our cost of living down.

  • (1) Ration electricity. Neighbourhoods in Baghdad alternate between having power and not having power. Well, it's summer at the moment, so we don't need the heating so yeah, that's do-able. And the summer t.v schedule is dire anyway so we won't be missing much on telly.
  • (2) Cancel all public works. Fire the Corpo! Bagdad is doing well enough without a functioning city administration. And it's not that far removed from the Dublin situation anyway. Their sewage and water pipes are old and are ours!! The Corpo spends a disproportionate amount of time pretending to fill potholes and running flags up and down the poles on O' Connell Bridge. I can do that. Actually, if anyone knows what it is that the Corpo does, post it in the comments section please.
  • (3) Air is free and the water is pretty clean. So that's two staples that we don't even have to pay for.
  • (4) Get the Americans in. The US are actually paying for the rebuilding of Baghdad! What an inspirational idea! We'll let them bomb a few bits (we all have a list...) and then they can rebuild it for us. No dran out planning permission problems, no residents' associations getting in the way (if the bombs fall the right way there might not be any residents)
  • (5) Paramilitaries. Sorry, but killing in the name of religion hasn't been done in Ireland since a few Christian Brothers went a bit mental with the oul' whip. But killing in the name of low prices. Michael O Leary could be the Irish Ali Al' Sistani, sending his men to die for the cause of cheaper deals (he has a few pilots who are refusing to fly, doesn't he?). Once it begins, I'm sure the retailers of our fair city will get the message and slash the amount they charge. Before their necks get slashed.

So there you go. My 5 point plan to drop the cost of living in Dublin. Whether you would want to live in Dublin after all that is beside the point. If you want cheap prices, you have to go the extra mile. It's a toss up; pay high prices and live in an expensive city or pay low prices and live in Baghdad.



Blogger esmerelda said...

I only window shop when I go "home" there is nothing I can buy in Dublin, that I cannot get cheaper in good old Londin, never thought I'd be able to say that. And eventually the Irish consumer will do what consumer's have done in the past, I hope and vote with their feet.

What happenned to the Island of Saint's and Scholars, it's now the island of wankers with wallets, all show and little substance,what was individual about Ireland is gone, now Dubliners look like the bourgeois anywhere, boring.

12:41 PM  
Blogger FJR said...

"fumble in a greasy till and add the halfpence to the pence.." eh?

or maybe ,"romantic Ireland's dead and gone,it's with O'Leary in the grave."

Maybe Yeats was right on that one. We are a nation of bloodsucking shopkeepers.
No wonder Bram Stoker was Irish, there's enough vampires in the retail sector for him to base this story on!

1:32 AM  

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